of course i'm scared. im a person who thinks that sex can be seen and done in an objective, non-romantic way. many agree - sex without emotions is exercise. to others, it's even a sport, from the hunt to the "good bye, take care and god bless" after. and i've always (alwaaays) played it safe. that's why i'm still alive and disease free. but to hear rumors about an ex-playmate having hiv (whether confirmed or not) scares me. i did my test, i'm clear, but it still scares the hell out of me.
last week, i got sick with fever going up and down, from 36.4c to 39.7c. the doctor first suspected that it was dengue but he wont be able to confirm until i get my blood test. so i did. i was secretly afraid of my white blood cells going down (i've become paranoid of hiv) but got the sweetes surprise of that day - they were way beyond normal - ergo, the doctor said, it was bacterial infection. hallelujah.
a friend just warned on his facebook status of the increasing number of patients testing to be positive in their clinic (the same clinic that cleared me). and it scared me again, just the thought of it. but i remember this movie where a character said to another "you're scared because you're intelligent." i think it pertains to the acceptance of the uncertainty that leads to preparation. so, i think i should always be scared. it's better that way.
